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An open letter to the Barmy Army

Dear Barmy Army,

Welcome to Queensland, the Australian state with plenty of Broad appeal and sunshine. After travelling halfway around the world, we think you’ve urned the chance to let your fine legs out.

But we also want you to stay safe in these Barmy Queensland conditions, so we’ve compiled some helpful tips below to make sure you don’t end up hit for a six or run out on a sticky wicket during your stay.

  • The Australian sun hits harder than your typical English all-rounder. Remember to slip, slop, slap and drink plenty of water, otherwise you’ll end up Cooked like your opening batsman. There’s no spin here, so for goodness sake, someone Warne the red nut behind the stumps!
  • Queensland has some of the best beaches in the world, with many of them just a straight drive from the Gabba. If you’re ever stumped about where to swim, just look for the red and yellow flags. If you’re at a beach with no flags, then you’re clearly at the wrong’un. Trust us, we’re not Lyon about that.
  • The Starc reality is that plenty of tourists get into trouble and drown each year and, sadly, a lot were drinking beforehand. It’s just not cricket. We know you’ll drown in booze, and probably your sorrows, but before you Wade in, we’re appealing with you to know your boundaries, find some Ballance and play it safe so you don’t drown in our waterways.

Follow all of this advice and you should have a jolly good tour without getting Rooted. Howzat???

Over and all out,
Your friendly Queensland surf lifesavers.

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